I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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