I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Randomize
