i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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