I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I wish I had a tail.
...why not?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
