i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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