im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
