remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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