We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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