put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
