I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
