Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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