Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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