I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
