I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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