Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
