We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
