dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
