That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
