i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
