okay pat passed out under dana's car
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
