Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
