You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize