If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
