I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
