based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
