Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
