take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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