They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
