her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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