1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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