smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
