I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
