oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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