I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
