Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
