What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
