"it" just moved
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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