I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize