So drunk, too bad you don't want this
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
