Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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