Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
