i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
