We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
