My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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