I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
