It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
