Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
