There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Someone signed my nipple.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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