Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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