It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
