if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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