3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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