no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I didn't notice because vodka
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
