Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
