i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
