I bet he comes in French.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
