Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Go christen that room with your naked body.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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