so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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