I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My feet surprised me
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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