you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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