The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
