Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
