i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize