thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
