There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
