Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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