i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
