life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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