the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
