I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
