they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize