we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
