Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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