Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
