Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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